Today in "just because it rhymes does not make it a trend" trends, Vogue would like you to wear something called #Florcore (hashtag necessary) during your very-Brooklyn weekend, which they have also handily planned. This outfit-meets-itinerary guide is not only bizarre in terms of its practical use (and its total cost), but in the fact that if you were to follow it, you run into the danger of potentially having the worst weekend of your life. Let us walk through it together, wearing absolutely un-walkable heels:
Friday, November 21
It's Friday! Should I meet up with that guy from OKC? Or check out that cute-looking pop-up shop? "Admit it," Vogue interjects, "You're heading to The Hunger Games tonight." Ugh, okay, fine, you got me. Go Katniss! Liam Hemsworth is so dreamy! But more importantly, what should I wear?! "Dress for it in paisley," (wait, what? Isn't this movie about children murdering each other?) "which is the new camo." OOOH, okay. Wait, what?
Total Hunger Games outfit cost: $18,613, plus one price-upon-request Christopher Kane floral top
Saturday, November 22
"TV on the Radio plays Music Hall of Williamsburg," Vogue says. Hold on, Vogue, we're still getting over The Hunger Games. That movie was crazy! Plus, TV On the Radio isn't until 9pm, what have we been doing all day? Wait, tickets are already sold out! Vogue, help! "You're doing 'hipster borough elegant' in statement jewelry, Sorbonne-worthy sweater, and eye-catching skirt." Vogue, wait! We couldn't get tickets! We were too busy thinking about The Hunger Games!
Total TV on the Radio outfit cost: $10,260, plus price-upon-request Dorateymur droop nose black suede boots.
Sunday, November 23
"Make no mistake: This is the trouser of the season and you will wear it everywhere." Is this a challenge, Vogue? "It sits neatly on a Josef Frank sofa, picks the kids up from school, and even looks chic for black tie." Well, I was planning to stop by Ikea today anyway, since it's Sunday—do you think they have Josef Frank sofas there? Also, Vogue, my children aren't at school. It's Sunday.
Total sofa-sitting outfit cost: $7,880
Monday, November 24
Vogue, my weekend sucked. What do I do? "Pair a Le Smoking jacket with a seventies hostess skirt, and cycle off to work." I can't bike in a maxi skirt! How about some actually practical advice? "Keep your shoe low and practical. The definition of cool right now." Aaah, got it. Thanks for looking out for me, Vogue.
Total work outfit cost: $19,145
Total #Florcore weekend outfit cost: $55,898 (plus two price-upon-request items)
Your reward for doing exactly as Vogue instructs: The definition of cool right now.
· The New Florcore [Vogue]