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There is a certain kind of person who visits a business and then writes a Yelp review. There is also a certain kind of person who visits a sex shop and then writes a Yelp review. While researching our guide to New York City's not-scary adult boutiques, we consulted Yelp to get a better feel for each store, and found out that there's a wealth of information out there that you probably don't want to know. (Including the fact that some people believe you should be able to make returns.) Click through to read ten of the most amazing raves, rants, and musings of sex shop reviewers.
On Purple Passion:
1.) "I was interested in a metal classy round collar. Purple Passion had it! I tried it on, as I have a tiny neck. It fit beautifully and is something that I can actually wear in public (especially with the 50 Shades fad). Extra points because it came in a pink velvet bag! Oh so cute!"
2.) "Sometimes you need a specific ball gag and sometimes all the lifestyle shops in Chelsea have dramatically undersized and overpriced ones. If you find yourself in this dilemma go to Purple Passion."
3.) "It's hurricane season! Let's ditch the wind-breakers and stock up on rubber gear! Come on New York: we should look HOT for Irene! Dress for the storm. Stay for the party!"
On Fantasy World:
4.) "I must say, they do take time to decorate the shop's windows outside; they are like the Macy's of the sex shops."
5.) "I liked this place, they don't judge or ask questions. I'm looking for someone to play with—female or male. I'm 20, athletic, and naughty. With me you can make your fantasies come true. Email me at [retracted]."
On Tic Tac Toe:
6.) "YOU CANNOT RETURN OF EXCHANGE ANYTHING AT THIS STORE. I was in the market for a pair of sequin panties, because who isn't?"
7.) "They have a collection of false eyelashes like you've never seen. Would make a drag queen fight you for them on the street."
8.) "Sure, you think penis candy will be cheap, but then you realize that Duane Reade doesn't carry that stuff."
9.) "As I listened to one of the salesgirls talk, I think I actually blushed. It's a bit embarrassing hearing someone who isn't another certain someone frankly speaking about one person's you-know-what, or maybe their whatchamacallit, or what that certain someone prefers, or is prone to when this occurs, or might do to another person at a specific time, or something that might happen at other times. If you know what I mean."
On Gotham City:
10.) "I don't know how, in this age of Internet porn, any businesses are staying open selling DVDs. Upstairs there is a mediocre selection of sex toys. Well hidden behind that are booths with live dancers, sooooooooooo who knows what's going on back there! Hey! Maybe that's how they are staying in business!"