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- For Holden Caulfield: EvolutionMan's Wash and Buff cleanser to give to his pimply hallmate Ackley, to make him go away
- For the unnamed protagonist of Bright Lights Big City: Kiehl's Eye Alert, to help him hide the damage from all those hard-partying late nights
- For Lenny Abramov of Gary Shteyngart's Super Sad True Love Story: Super Smile whitening toothpaste, to improve his hotness rating on the "apparats" of other bar patrons.
- For Jay Gatsby: Bulgari MAN shampoo and shower gel , to mask the lingering scent of booze from his history as a bootlegger and give him a metaphorical fresh start.
- For Patrick Bateman: Zirh translucent shave gel, so he can maintain his clean-shaven look