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Last night Bravo aired the second episode of Kelly Cutrone's Kell On Earth and let's just say we're still pretty excited about this show coming into our lives. The hour opened with the conclusion of the Chado Ralph Rucci list debacle and front row clusterfuck—was anyone surprised the label fired People's Revolution after the computer glitch lead to such line wars and the seating stampede? And continued through the most terrifying intern-destroying tirade in history before concluding with a very successful Genetic Denim presentation—despite the male model who collapsed in a tangled curtain of Swarovski crystal rain.
Once again, we could easily fill this space with 20 or more top moments—but we won't. Check out our top ten moments from episode 2 and just try to imagine what numbers 11 through 20 might have been:
10.) Omigod, Ava's closet. Did you see Ava's closet? She is seven! All those gorgeous little dresses in garment bags—Honey I Shrunk the Betsey Johnson and DVFs!
9.) Kelly on a model's sort of tribal-witch thing she had going: "I've spent my whole life trying to get that look."
8.) Looking for someone to blame? Kelly: "Jeggings—the hot new fashion word in New York."
7.) Douche Alert: Who else was rubbed the wrong way by Genetic Denim's Creative Director declaring to the cameras—just in case anyone might get the wrong idea—that he is straight?
6.) Bosses, take note, this is not the way to earn one of those Best Boss Ever coffee mugs: "Don't cry now! This is not the time to have a nervous breakdown! Don't be a baby! Get yourself together! The more you do this the more you're pulling the team backward!"
5.) Sometimes it's hard being a pretty, blond girl who works in fashion. Other Stephanie "account executive" giraffe girl has not done a single thing correctly in two episodes—but it's not her fault because no one's trained her. How was she supposed to know how to correctly stamp an envelope?
4.) Andrew is so not bitter when it comes to pretty, blond girls who work in fashion. Other Stephanie "is just like one of those people that just like never really ran into many problems, her whole life she just like pranced around in her dresses and got asked out left and right?" We take it such was not the case for Andrew.
3.) Journalists are such pill-popping lunatics: it was merely a gut reaction for Vanity Fair's George Wayne to swallow whatever it was Kelly might have handed him. How was he supposed to know it was actually a giant Swarovski crystal?
2.) The Chado Ralph Rucci show disaster was absolutely nuts. Backstage Rucci is hyperventilating because press people are in his space. But Kelly knows that if there isn't any press back there she'll get hell for it. Cue: "You're American Elle? Stand over in that corner as far away from him as possible!" Meanwhile out front guests are not having it. One person who gets moved and then apologized to responds: "You should be sorry." Another impatient guest: "I can just go home, this isn't worth it." New Yorkers are so cuddly.
1.) Interngate! The way the interns were putting together those gift bags—you can't write this stuff! Reality gold! A third grade dyslexic's handwriting in Sharpie on a craft paper bag without a shred of tissue paper or a real label—one bag was labeled "Fincial District." What a way to package a $400 pair of jeans! Obviously, Kelly loses her shit and screams "This isn't college!" After a mandated break, the interns pretty much repeat the mistake, at which point Kelly unleashes the insult of the evening. "Omigod, can I just say something: There are eight people here doing a job that frankly my daughter, who is seven, could do. You've been fucking doing this job for 24 hours." Her solution? She packs the gift bags herself and dreams of Kelly Cutrone's School of Fashion PR: "I'm getting over the whole concept of interns. I think I'm going to open a fashion school and charge money. It's like, you want to come and learn from me and be in my office? Then you have to pay $10,000."
Oh, and just a swig of Bonus Publicist Haterade: "PR girls in general, they spend so much time in the drama of what's not working that if they just got into the action the job would've been over and done and they would've had a positive result instead of a bitchfest."