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It's time once again for comedy writer Bonnie Datt's Top Ten Moments of Project Runway Greatness.
Amy's dress and Jesus's dress via Lifetime
It's Week Four of Project Runway, and the remaining designers are given the challenge of designing a dress for the heart disease charity's Go Red for Women's gala Fashion Week show. The designers' excitement over this worthy challenge is tempered by the limiting parameters imposed on them: Their dresses must be made primarily of red fabric. They must incorporate some branding of the charity's sponsor, Campbell's Soup. And instead of using their regular models, the designers will work with "very inspiring" women who have dealt with serious heart conditions. Uh, oh. We sense a heartfelt Kumbaya kind of episode, where everyone gets along and the judges aren't too mean. How can we snark on that?
Sure enough, despite the hardships of having to design for real women's bodies, the designers all love their guest models and really want to make them happy. To the point where Seth Aaron, at his client's urging, initially starts to make a Grecian style dress—until Tim encourages him not to abandon his own post-punk aesthetic. Along with their usual Mood purchases, the designers are also given fabric printed with the Campbell's Soup logo on it. Disappointingly, none of them created a Warhol or Stephen Sprouse type of design, like many of the contestants did in Season Four's wonderful Hershey's Chocolate challenge.
This week, Michael and Nina are both judging. Joining them as our guest judge is Marchesa designer Georgina Chapman. Georgina is known for designing beautiful expensive eveningwear. She is also known for marrying Project Runway Executive Producer Harvey Weinstein. This contributes the most real-life element we've ever seen on any episode of Project Runway: Nepotism.
Our top three designers are Mila, with a dress covered in giant Campbell's-Soup-label–type white stars, which reminds us of marching bands and roller disco; Maya, whose attempt at a heart shaped top ended up looking more like a sagging snake; and our winner, Amy, whose long red dress is beautiful, if a little generic. The bottom three include Anna, with a red and beige racer-back dress which makes her model's shoulders look like those of a junior varsity linebacker's; Jesse, who, even without the albatross of Ping, disappointed us with his white jacketed red dress; and Jesus, whose tacky and slinky little dress brought back uncomfortable memories of visits to Merry-Go-Round. Not surprisingly, after three trips to the bottom three, Jesus is finally bid "auf Wiedersehen."
And in our As Tears Go By count, both Anthony and Jay cry upon hearing their models' heart related health stories, bringing this season's number of crying jags to ten.
Now for this week's Top Ten Moments of Project Runway Greatness:
10). Jesus states, "I already think I'm showing the judges that I'm capable," but fails to add, "Of designing for Pamela Anderson."
9). Jonathan describes his gown as more of a "cooter gown" than a "couture gown." Wouldn't that have been Ping's dress from two weeks ago?
8). When Seth Aaron describes this as "the largest challenge I've ever faced as a designer," we're genuinely not sure if he is talking about his vast desire to make his model happy, or his dismay at her size.
7). Michael begins describing Jesus's dress by saying, "Hmm, hmm..." but doesn't follow it with the word "good," like in the Campbell's Soup song.
6). After Janeanne's dress accidentally falls in a bucket of water, she says, "Of course it happens, because I'm Janeanne, and this happens to me," proving that she not only looks like Tanya on HBO's Hung, but also has similar self esteem issues.
5). Jonathan's model says, "The dress is exactly what I want. This almost makes the open heart surgery worth it." We didn't even think it was worthy of corn removal.
4). Michael gives Amy's dress a Fonzie-like thumbs up, then metaphorically tells Jesus to "sit on it."
3). Georgina said she liked Maya's dress, but wasn't sure she "should" like it.
2). After discussing Anthony's mom's heart problems, his model says, "Use me as the model, but use your Mom as the inspiration." Damn it! Now we have to add ourselves to the As Tears Go By count.
1). Michael Kors looks even more orange, due to all the reflected red.