Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.
You get plenty attention when you raise a billboard in this town, but like it or not, you also open yourself up to scrutiny. Can everyone please direct their attention to the corner of 8th Avenue and 37th Street, above Gray's Papaya, where there stands this ad for what is quite possibly the most ludicrously named brand ever: Jesus Juice Coature.
It even feels unnatural typing it, and we don't know where to begin with all the wrongs committed by a having a name like that. A simple Google search, however, turned up this blog post which basically says everything that we wanted to say, including: "these dudes...spun off 'couture' to get 'coature.' That is weak. That essentially puts you on the same level as Shooze and Jeanetic Material."
In the same search we stumbled across the brand's official website, but it was on their Blogspot that we found the explanation we were seeking: "Jesus = The King of Kings. Juice = Respect. Coature = Custom, premium outerwear. Simple."
But is it really that simple? Why does Jesus have to get dragged into the selling of coats? And if it's "custom" as they say, then where do we go to get a unique piece? All answers which are not likely found in the CEO's novel rife with terrorist plots.