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Sigh. We really thought Bravo's Launch My Line was going to be great—but it's seriously degenerating into a total disaster. With Marilyn's elimination last night we lost one of two remaining crazytown, super-entertaining contestants (we still have Patrick). And without the crazytown we are left to focus on the poor left coast tastes of the judges as well as the Caten twins grating, cats-mating shrieks of bad one-liners in Italian-flecked English. (It's really unfortunate timing that Chipmunks movie is being promoted during the twins star turn; all five voices—eight if you count the Chipettes—are interchangeable and you can't help thinking the commercial break is already over while you're in the other room visiting your box of wine.)
Furthermore the Lady Gaga appearance was totally useless. If you watched the preview clip you saw all the Gaga there was to see minus her selecting a slut red roll of latex/vinyl/patent whatever as the wild card fabric each team had to add to their avant garde—yet "tasteful"—statement pieces inspired by an assigned pair of cheapo St. Mark's Place sunglasses. Whatever.
The challenge resulted in six evening dresses ranging from passably inoffensive (Merle, Kathy) to totally unbelievably horrible (Eric, Patrick). Being in Los Angeles where clubwear equals fashion (or, at least, sales), the judges awarded top honors to Eric who finally lead his usually domineering expert partner Gallina in creating a whorish, floppy disco ball potato sack. Most hated were Marilyn's cobbled-together silver evening gown featuring cheap butt beading and Patrick's layered, poofy mess produced in Joyce Leslie overstock synthetics and accented with peacock feathers (despite the feathers the dress came off more ostrich than peacock). Marilyn was sent packing for being less cohesive and more ordinary than Patrick. We will miss her.
You're waiting with baited breath, so now we bring you the top (or bottom) ten moments of Launch My Line episode 5:
10.) Merle has her moments but let's get real for a second—the sunglasses she selected for herself, white and gold plastic Euro-shields circa 26th St. and Broadway 2004, could not have had less of a "classic Chanel vibe." And we know you're more accustomed to writing about fashion than talking about it, but learn to pronounce Margiela.
9.) Roberto as George Costanza: The designer takes naps under the design table referring to the space as a "cave" or a "womb." Patrick, horrified, declared that this is something "dandies" just don't do.
8.) Louanna needs to quit making the same silver wonky-trained silk charmeuse frocks all the time. She also needs to quit comparing anything she does to Givenchy. And frankly, she needs to stop talking, because her condescending voice is nearly as irritating as the eight aforementioned chipmunks.
7.) More on Lou: Her outfit was just too cool for the sunglasses so she developed an eye patch inspired by the shades. Idiotic—and the judges told her so.
6.) Twin Fail: Clad in matching sequined waistcoasts and massive, stovepipe patchwork denim (think toddler in OshKosh and/or late ‘90s skater in JNCOs) and screeching practiced one-liners in unison. Somehow "make these pieces really wow and really pow" doesn't have the same ring as "make it work."
5.) A tribute to Marilyn: We'll miss your incoherent attempts at describing fit and fabric ("modern, current, etc..."); your ludicrous sketches; your great legs and commanding runway strut; your quips; and especially your charming delusions. She thinks someone's going to invest in her line.
4.) That said, we won't miss Marilyn's crybaby, passive-aggressive partner Coco—a person who is constantly exhausted or going out for a cigarette; threatens to drop out weekly; is prone to tears and hysterical convulsions; all while never offering suggestion or taking initiative. Funny, she still needed to ask Marilyn to point it out if she became uncooperative. There's also the tired Blossom sarcasm ("Sorry Marilyn, I so suck don't I?"). At least editors left in the shot of an entire roll of muslin rolling away and unraveling as she skulked after it dumbly.
3.) You know your level of taste is all kinds of low when you frighten Gallina and her Paris Hilton/Russian geriatric on holiday aesthetic with a piece of glittering disco ball fabric with which you want to make "a jet set female"look like a "huge disco ball walking." Nice job, Eric.
2.) Thai has a mean streak. On Patrick's poof: "It's like drag queen garbage."
1.) Titanic reference: Patrick, on going over the top, "They're looking for theater ? It's like the Titanic—if we're hit by the iceberg we're hit by the iceberg but we have to keep sailing!" Someone takes "drag queen garbage" quite seriously...