clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Episode 4: Nudity Is Little Consolation Without Kevin's Bumbling

Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.

Last night episode 4 of Bravo's Launch My Line aired and, well, the show just might not be the same without bumbling, self-deprecating, hilarious, one-liner-spewing Kevin. We survived the hour, but barely. Thank god Lady Gaga is on next week's episode.

So, last night's challenge required moguls to create an asymmetrical evening look inspired by a model. What's the catch? The models were nude. And the models were by and large not exactly what one pictures when picturing a model. What we mean is—they were, like, regular people with, like hips and wrinkles and things.

Vanessa finally got the boot after producing her most charming and wearable look thus far: A metallic orange party dress with pockets that the judges thought accentuated the wearer's hips in a bad way. It was close, though. Eric's party dress looked exactly like two of his previous entries but worse because it combined the heinous printed fabrics from both, and Louanna blacked out or something during the challenge introduction and created a lunch-with-the-girls look that you can buy at Banana Republic right now. Merle won with a beautiful coffee-colored chiffon gown with a snap-off train (Marilyn's dress was lovely—a drapey, Greek-inspired situation in royal blue—but for once, she wasn't robbed).

With that, we bring you, the top ten moments of episode 4:

10.) The challenge was about asymmetry which sent Roberto into a psychotic ramble that only proved he had no idea what the word means. Roberto, if you're reading, hot and cold are opposites, as are large and small.

9.) As moguls rushed to claim the model of their choice it became clear that both Vanessa and Patrick were angling for the same skinny-fat heinous-looking tattooed monster with strangely high hips and strangely low nipples—a slow-motion replay and photo finish declared Patrick the winner. And, a few minutes later, when Eric said he was "blushing" and Kathy declared that a person could go "jump-roping" with what said model had hiding in his pants, well—it all made more sense. Patrick, though, was "not going there."

8.) Marilyn on the nude models: "Full Monty Monty Monty Monty."

7.) Merle catching a glimpse of Eric and Gallina's trash bag: "I'm not a Vegas circus act, I'd never wear that." Woman hates Vegas.

6.) Merle also really hates Gallina and Roberto (we would too if we were in the same room with them). Last night's little mid-commercial comedic interlude featured sassafras Merle, again, hating all over the two of them. On Gallina: "That girl has never shut up in her life." Roberto's insane ramblings on why pinking shears are so named ("Pink power? Pink Panther?") only garnered a hate glare and an eye roll. Merle, rarely bad nor good enough to be the focus of an episode—but mean enough to star in the interludes!

5.) Dean and Dean preached simplicity. Are they forgetting what collection of clothing they are at the helm of? Whatever—two matching outfits, one was a tux.

4.) Oh Louanna, the true colors are shining through. Things went sour because she "didn't get the memo" that the focus was on eveningwear (cue flashback of the twins literally saying the word "eveningwear"), and the discouraged, bitter, sardonic "whatevers" start flying. "Whatever. If I go home, I go home." Yeah, we wish you'd go home to your job styling celebrities you met through daddy.

3.) Vanessa, we were starting to like you and your crazy nose and now you're gone. On herself and her metallic dress: "If Vanessa went natural what would she do? She'd paint herself in gold."

2.) Who can really say if it was Dan or Dean who said this: "Good from far; far from good." Brilliant.

1.) In the top spot we bring you some of the best delusions of the night. Let's talk about what each mogul imagined their look would be worn for. Eric's lady was going to a Justin Timberlake concert (we saw hooker). Vanessa's dress was for "the Venice Film Festival, not a porn convention" (we liked it, but we saw porn convention). Merle's gown was clearly an Oscar dress; and once the awards were over the wearer could simply snap off the train and go straight to the Vanity Fair party. (The dress was lovely but what cracked-out universe do you live in that you think some Anne Hathaway-type would wear some reality TV rag procured from a sale website called Rue La La?)
· All Launch My Line Coverage [Racked]
· Launch My Line [Official Site]