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It was pretty freezing outside last night, but we stayed all warm and toasty in the glowing light of Bravo's Launch My Line, episode 3. Now in its regular 10pm time slot, last night's episode found teams being matched up to various wild animals. Said animal was to be the inspiration of a one-piece look. The catch: It couldn't be a dress. Well, Vanessa was tickled pink! Jumpsuits are her signature!
The highlight of the entire episode had to be each mogul's one-on-one time with their animal inspiration. Merle was captivated with her tortoise; Eric loved his toucan (because, let's be honest, no animal screams Eric and Galina like an acid-flashback-colored tropical bird); Kevin got friendly with his llama; and Patrick and Marilyn were both horrified by their match-ups—a snake and a tarantula, respectively.
Come runway show, judges and viewers were greeted by a hideous spectacle of satin jumpsuits in various lengths. It was a tough decision—because most of the designs were horrible—but Kathy and Emil won with a beautifully draped black jumpsuit (accessorized by a seriously heinous zebra-print/rope belt). Again, Marilyn was robbed—her one-shouldered champagne-colored piece was simpler, sexier and didn't involve a seriously heinous zebra-print/rope belt. Kevin was sent packing. His silvery jumpsuit didn't hang well and didn't fit in with his previous looks. Patrick and Vanessa were almost out—Patrick for a green train wreck that was deemed cohesive and salable if hideous; and Vanessa for a poofy black, cartoon shortie inspired by a chinchilla (actually, aside from Marilyn's, this was probably our favorite piece from the show). And, yeah, they're in LA, and DSquared2, again, is not Dior—but why do they like Eric's gaudy crap?
Now, here are the top ten moments of Launch My Line episode 3:
10.) Animals! Adorable! A teenage zebra named Tinker; a fluffy llama named Mr. Bob; a toucan! And—bonus—the moguls' reaction to them was pretty much priceless. Patrick was limply clutching the feeder mice like they were a virus, and he wouldn't even go near the snake that was to be his inspiration. Likewise Marilyn—who is "not an animal person"—had a hysterical reaction to her tarantula (not to mention the tattooed tarantula handler). As for Vanessa on tarantulas, the woman would have left if she has to get near one. Someone pass us a bag of spiders!
9.) Hey Italian-American activists who have their panties in a twist over stereotyping in Jersey Shore—meet Marilyn! On the twins and their being super crazy because they live in Italy: "What does wild side mean to them? Who knows?"
8.) Louanna: Still sucks. Why? Her baby/talking-to-animals voice turned our wine; her unique design trademark involves draping and pleats; and she used the term "safari jumpsuit" (when the term "whorish satin monstrosity" would have been more appropriate.)
7.) Finally,we got some more matching outfits on the twins! Side question: How many waistcoats do those two own?
6.) Top delusions of grandeur moment: Coco: "Anything to do with fashion? I've done it!" Seriously—something she designed was worn by Jessica Simpson. Stand back! Also, she likened Marilyn's design to a classic Halston—both the second place delusion of grandeur and the chance for another Marilyn gem: "I don't know what 'Halston-like' means, but I like this!"
5.) We like that Merle's saltiness is starting to really shine through—especially in this new post-Kevin world. On Eric's junk show of an outfit: "It looked like a big night in Vegas; but you give me a big night in Vegas and I give it back." To Thai, "You are so zen I wanna kill you right now." Don't even ask about her reaction to the larger-than-she-might've-liked size of her model.
4.) Kevin, you will be missed. On his animal inspiration: "I just was happy I got the llama. His name is Bob. Big Money Bob." On raiding the trim closet: "That trim room was like WWF—girls was turning into vigilantes!" And after falling under a giant roll of fabric, he likened himself to Fat Albert. Gold!
3.) Speaking of gold: Patrick and Roberto, Roberto and Patrick—you two are majorly taking us there. How about Roberto naming the feeder mice Patty and Robert? How about Patrick name-dropping Cher and Bob Mackie in one soundbite? How about the gayest argument ever: Is it a jumper or is it a jumper dress? How about Roberto's tasseled, mustard caftan? Or maybe just their outfit—a jade green snake-inspired diaper with a fraying strap and cracked-out pleating—was the highlight.
2.) Eric's cheap, long, clashing mess was inspired by a toucan—so obviously it involved peacock feathers. Why? "It's a bird and we had the feathers." Totally the same thing?
1.) This was a no-brainer. Judge Lisa Klein said "puss" on national TV. And not in reference to a cat. On the faux fur lining the bottom of Vanessa's chinchilla poof: "It's already warm and toasty down there." God, this show!