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Project Runway Top Ten: We Don't Know Much About Art, But We Know What We Hate

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And now comedy writer Bonnie Datt brings us The Top Ten Moments of Greatness from this week's Project Runway.

Images via Lifetime

It's the twelfth week of Project Runway and the last competition before the finals. The judges will be aufing two of the five remaining designers, leaving only three to show at Bryant Park's Fashion Week. For this challenge, the designers are taken to Los Angeles's Getty Museum and instructed to find something that will inspire them. Unlike Season Four's contestants, who were given a similar task at New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art, these designers can take their inspirations from anything there, not just the artwork. This may be due to the fact that The Getty's layout and views are more impressive than its collection.

Given these extensive parameters, Althea takes her fashion inspiration from the building's architecture and Christopher gets his from an algae-covered fountain. Meanwhile, inside the museum, Carol Hannah is smitten by a brocade covered French bed, Irina is taken by John William Godward's oil, "Mischief and Repose," and Gordana is "spiritually" moved by a Claude Monet painting, which we believe is "The Portal of Rouen Cathedral in Morning Light," but which the producers didn't find important enough to label.

Back in the workroom there are lingering aftereffects from last week's "copying" accusations. Former pals Irina and Althea are now on the outs, and Irina has taken on Gordana as her new BFF. Unfortunately, the formerly sweet Gordana takes her newfound status as "friend to the Mean Girl" to heart, and starts making bitchy comments to Althea and Carol Hannah.

This week, joining Heidi on the judges' panel are Cindy Crawford, Nina Garcia, and, to replace the perennially missing Michael Kors—Wait! Can it be? Yes! A legitimate fashion designer, who is not an actress, and who has actually been relevant in the last decade! It's Cynthia Rowley. (Imported from New York, of course.)

While there is no official winner this week, the judges immediately tell Carol Hannah that she is safe and moving on to Fashion Week. Joining her in New York will be Irina and Althea—both of whom have obviously been chosen on the strength of their previous work, since the judges don't like either of the outfits they made this week. And leaving us, just a hair shy of achieving their dreams of showing in Bryant Park, are Christopher, whose hideous bodice dress proves once again that he has survived well past his due date, and Gordana, whose cathedral-inspired dress is the only one that actually fulfills the rules of the challenge. Is anyone shocked that Heidi's favorite victim is aufed right before Bryant Park? Although after her Mean Girl behavior this week, we aren't feeling as sorry for Gordana as we thought we would.

For the second time in Project Runway history, we have an all-female top three. If only these designers exhibited the talents of Season Five's Korto, Leanne and Kenley "cat thrower" Collins.

This week, our "As Tears Go By" count will be called "As Niagra Falls Goes By" because Gordana, Carol Hannah and Christopher each cry twice and Althea cries once. Only Meana Irina isn't shown weeping. So, added to the previous sixteen sobbing sessions, this brings us to 23 crying jags for the season. And to think we were afraid producer John Bunim would try to turn Project Runway into The Real World!

And now, this week's Top Ten Moments of Project Runway Greatness:

10). Tim says for this challenge "We're sending you to a place rich in culture, with iconic views." This being Southern California, we thought he meant Disneyland.

9). Gordana explains that when she was growing up, she dyed her fabrics with onion peels. We suspect Mood uses the same method, judging by the number of tears the designers shed this season.

8). When Irina wonders what kind of animal her fur pelt comes from, Tim teasingly whispers, "giant Scandinavian rabbit," but unfortunately doesn't sing "Kill da wabbit."

7). Christopher reminds us that he's from a small town and never went to fashion school. This is helpful for those of us who might have missed this information the first 439 times he shared it.

6). When Irina is asked why she should win, she says that she and her parents are immigrants. When that doesn't sway the judges, she claims she's an orphan.

5). Gordana proudly announces, "I'm here for the final challenge, how many people can say that?" Um, five?

4). When asked who they'd take with them to Fashion Week, Gordana and Carol Hannah both pick Christopher, citing his "interesting ideas" and "strong desire," but leaving out the more obvious—they know they can beat him.

3). Gordana says, "My garment represents my soul, not only my capable hands." This makes us want to start picking on her too.

2). Christopher writes a note to himself on the blackboard. His words, "It's a big day" obviously carry the subtext, "Make something ugly."

1). Tim Gunn says, "I want Nina Garcia's stilettos to blow right off her feet and shoot across the runway!" We love Tim Gunn.

· Project Runway Top Ten: A Thousand Petals and Too Many Mean Girls [Racked]
· Project Runway Top Ten: A Few of My Favorite Places [Racked]
· Project Runway Top Ten: All That Glitters [Racked]