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Project Runway Top Ten: A Thousand Petals and Too Many Mean Girls

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And now it's time for comedy writer Bonnie Datt's Top Ten Moments of Greatness from this week's Project Runway.


Images via Lifetime

We're in the eleventh week of Project Runway and the pressure is on. There are only six designers left, and the chance to show a collection in Bryant Park is almost within each of their grasps. All they need to do is survive a couple more challenges. But before the designers learn what this week's task is, they're forced to sit with their backs to the runway. Excitement and fear build as the designers wonder what's hidden behind them.

When they're finally allowed to turn around, they see Heidi in another garish ensemble. Sadly, dressing her better is not their challenge. No, the big surprise is that Heidi is joined on the runway by mannequins wearing the best outfits each of the remaining contestants has designed this season. Heidi tells the designers that their challenge is to each take their garment as a starting point and make a companion outfit that compliments and enhances it.

The designers snark about each other as they work on their outfits. Althea repeatedly complains to Irina that Logan is ripping off her zippered collar design from the Aguilera challenge. Irina agrees and even eggs Althea on. But when we get to the runway, the only designer complaining about the theft of a design is Irina, who accuses a blindsided Althea of ripping off her oversized sweater look. Perhaps Irina should point the finger at herself as well, because she's now subjected us to two weeks in a row of her giant sweaters.

The judges don't seem to care much about this controversy. Sadly, Michael is gone again. Instead, we get fashion instructor and Season Two Runway contestant Nick Verreos, the designer who made that great Barbie Doll dress. Thankfully, Nina Garcia is still judging. This week, our guest judge is actress Kerry Washington, introduced as "One of the faces of L'Oreal." Obviously they chose the spokesmodel for one of the sponsors because there are no other actresses in Los Angeles.

With only six designers left, they all stay on the runway for the final judging. Carol Hannah, whose dress's pockets for some reason attract the judges like shiny objects, is immediately told she is safe. This leaves the catty sweater gals, Althea and Irina battling it out for the top spot. Althea is dubbed the winner and Irina dramatically rolls her eyes in protest. Of the bottom three, Christopher somehow survives, yet again, despite doing a badly proportioned petal covered dress and using more fabric than a Broadway theater's curtains. The bottom two are Heidi's favorite victim Gordana with a dated and drab jacket and skirt ensemble and Logan with a cheesy eighties rock styled costume that even Pat Benatar would have refused to wear. Logan, the only remaining designer who has never won a challenge, finally goes, proving that even on Project Runway good looks and greasy hair will only take you so far.

This week, our "As Tears Go By" count remains static, because no tears were shed in the filming of this episode. So we're still at 16 crying jags, but never fear—the previews for next week show Christopher gushing once again.

And now, this week's Top Ten Moments of Project Runway Greatness:

10). When Althea says "I do really like to play with volume as a designer," we're pretty sure she's just referring to her hair.

9). Gordana jokingly pretends to kick Irina's ass. Millions of viewers wish her foot had actually connected.

8). Heidi describes Althea's baggy pants as being "genius." Einstein asks for a recount.

7). Irina tries to describe Christopher's dress with "What are you going to say about it except 'Why is one dress throwing up the other?'" But we think "Why is one dress pooping out the other?" would also be a viable option.

6). Logan complains that Gordana is using the same technique she used on her earlier dress...whereas Logan prefers doing something fresh, and ripping off someone else's.

5). When Heidi describes Gordana's dress as "the saddest, most drab thing," all the other judges dutifully cackle with glee. Then they steal Gordana's homework and pour pig's blood on her head at the prom.

4). Althea snarks that she's surprised the judges haven't labeled Carol Hannah "a one trick pony." We're more shocked they've never mentioned Althea's phobia of using bras under her designs.

3). Logan says, "I'm definitely not a designer for Middle America or ninety percent of the population." We disagree! We can't imagine ten percent of America liking his clothing.

2). We learn the word "Eighties" is the new "Aloha." When describing Irina's winning Aspen design it meant "Hello!" But when describing this week's creation by Logan it means "Good-bye."

1). Nina found the dress component of Irina's design "too tight," "short" and "cheap." Which means Heidi will probably wear it on the next episode.

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