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Last night the Lower East Side was rocked by the mock funeral for the hipster menswear staple Yoko Devereaux. The ceremony for the 10-year-old line, lost to the economic crisis, was affectionately titled "Bitch Be Dead," and featured live performances, video art by English Kills, and a bona fide casket. The wake, to quote Scissor Sister Ana Matronic's eulogy, was all at once "too downtown for the uptowners, too uptown for the downtowners," and " for the people from Manhattan, too Brooklyn." Some observations through the tears:
1.) First and foremost: the booze. We received mixed signals on the time of death for the open bar, courtesy of Hendrick's gin, which was scheduled from 10 to 11. Two sources said it was flatlining by 10:30, while an eager server told us there was plenty of free gin to be had until 11:15. When asked to verify, he vanished.
2.) So why now? Yoko Devereaux went under on June 25, 2009—the same day as Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. According to the eulogy, they were waiting out the summer of death and Fashion Week.
3.) An exceptional turnout for the relatively early eulogy, which was scheduled for 11 but went on at 11:35. There were no complaints from the crowd, dressed in the required "funeral chic," which translated roughly to typical LES-wear: Tight, draped, skinny, v-neck, black. Upstairs in the balcony, there was plenty of awkward sit-dancing. Downstairs, everyone on the dance floor was doing the standing still.
4.) No expense was spared for this wake. DJs spun the requisite hipster lineup—La Roux, Miike Snow, TV on the Radio, et al. The eulogy was preceded by a special performance by Princess Extravaganza. During the eulogy, professional mourners quietly wept onstage. Howard Fishman and the Biting Fish Brass Band played a Cajun-style set to finish off the ceremony.
5.) The real show was in a booth, stage right: A hardcore makeout sesh—we're talking second base, under the clothes—turned into an impromptu naptime for two revelers, one of whom chose to vomit discreetly during Ana Matronic's eulogy. It all went down before midnight.
6.) Ana Matronic's eulogy was touching, crass, and ironic all at once. We learned Yoko's many causes of death, which included a combination of Windex, time-release Demerol, and ritual hara-kiri, topped off with a decapitation at the hands of her interns. Her last words to creator Andy Salzer were allegedly, "Andy, you cunt—you are nothing. I am legendary." These words, shared by the Scissor Sister, then segued into a performance featuring heavy electronica informing us that the scene is, in fact, dead.
7.) Salzer was spotted wearing the posthumous line, which to quote a loving jab from the eulogy, will be worn "until it falls apart, which should be in about five days."—Noah Adler