Project Runway Top Ten: All that Glitters

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And now, comedy writer Bonnie Datt counts down the top ten moments of greatness from this week's Project Runway.

On week nine of Project Runway, the designers meet the legendary Bob Mackie, who assigns them the task of creating a Mackie-esque stage ensemble for superstar Christina Aguilera. Mackie was THE designer of '70s and '80s diva-wear. Back then, if it involved sequins and skin, Bob probably made it. Cher, Tina Turner and Diana Ross all wore his glitzy concoctions. What does Bob Mackie have to do with current fashion? Not much. But when in Los Angeles...

We learn that Nicolas idolizes Mackie and is thrilled to create a dress for him. Suspiciously, Nicolas's dress looks a lot like his Snow Queen ensemble from a couple of weeks ago. Designer Carol Hannah is less excited to be designing in the Mackie vein. She doesn't usually make things that are "just for show" and "this over-the-top." Going into the competition, we are a bit worried for her.

Prodigal Nina, who has now been absent for what seems like more weeks than she's been present, has finally returned, but Michael Kors is gone again, making us ask the question "Have you ever seen the two of them in the same room at the same time?" Our two guest judges, of course, are Mackie, who looks much younger than he probably is, and Aguilera, who looks a lot like that girl musician Muppet.

And this week's winner is—surprise!—Carol Hannah, who creates a glamorous black dress out of various fabrics and feathers. Joining her in the top three are Nicolas, with his return of the snow queen look, and Althea with yet another cleavage-baring dress. The bottom three include Logan, with a caveman-esque ensemble, Christopher with a Hot Topic-worthy Lady Marmalade retread, and Shirin, with an evening gown that is truly ghastly. Unfortunately Shirin, who seems like she has a lot more talent than the two regular bottom dwellers, is the one chosen to go home. Shirin we will miss you, your creative designs, and your pancake hat.

As for our "As Tears Go By" count, although Christopher's eyes well up on the runway and Shirin seems quite choked up when she leaves, there are no actual tears shed. So we remain at a grand total of twelve crying jags for this season.

And now for this week's top ten moments of greatness:

10). Logan says that Carol is this "funny little Southern belle," which is followed by a montage of shots of Carol Hannah telling people things that aren't funny.

9). Irina says, "I don't know why Shirin is still here. Way better designers then her are out." Oh sweet, sweet, Irina, how quickly you forget. You hated all those designers too!

8). Christina tells Logan that his design looks like something a cave woman would wear. Somewhere Wilma Flinstone turns over in her tar pit.

7). Bob Mackie says that Heidi would look good in Carol Hannah's dress. Heidi thanks him, but noticeably doesn't add her usual "I would wear that."

6). Tim Gunn tells Christopher that if he is going to do a reveal, the under-outfit should be "super sexy slut." Tim! We expected that kind of language from the late Mother Theresa but not you!

5). Logan asks whether the outfit he is working on is "too simple." No Logan, not the outfit...

4). Bob Mackie thinks Christopher's design looks like something from the road company of the Pussycat Dolls. Even from Mackie, this is not a compliment.

3). About Bob Mackie, Nicolas says, "I almost fainted. It has been my dream to meet the man himself." Where is Betty Draper's fainting couch when someone really needs it?

2). Bob Mackie says, "On stage a short dress can go right up to the crotch and be perfectly fine; put diamonds on the crotch and you're home free." Oddly, Bob has yet to do a collaboration with Harry Winston.

1). Nicholas says, "Irina is actually a really good designer, the only problem with her is that she is a bitch." Who knew anything would make us start to like Nicolas?

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· Project Runway Top Ten: We Miss Nina and Michael [Racked]