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Discontinued: Apollo Braun Proves There's an Upside to the Recession

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Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.

Break out the champagne, Lower East Siders: Apollo Braun, the only person Racked has ever called an "inflamed pustule," is leaving town. Last week, we noticed sale signs in the windows of Braun's shop on Orchard Street, but according to the highly dubious press release he sent around, the difficulties of selling offensive shirts in a down economy have nothing to do with his disappearance. Instead, he's fleeing "endless death threats." Also, he misses his mom's chicken soup. And then there's this: "My thing is that I am just terrified from big black penises and I am sure that Obama has a huge black penis. My penis is only 5 inches- when it's erect!- so of course I have issues in that department." Apollo Braun: Classy till the end.
· Recession Special: Apollo Braun Tries To Unload [Racked]
· SHOCK: 'Who Killed Obama' Top in LES Boutique [Racked]