The Meterosexual's Dilemma

Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.

"...Loathe as I am to spend 160 dollars on a pair of jeans, I bought a new pair of jeans at APC yesterday. The twee man at the store informed me puckishly that one musn't wash the jeans for a calendar year. It takes that long for the jeans to properly breathe, like wine in a decanteur, to relax, to stretch, to become comfortable not only with themselves but to you as well. This, I thought and even suggested to him, was idiotic. What if one soils his jeans? I wondered. Additionally, not washing anything for a year seems like a bad idea. Anything you wash, I figure, should be washed more that that. But no. He insisted. So now I have a pair of jeans so stiff and so tight they stand on their own two legs. It's like another roommate in my house. I talk to him, my New Cure size 31. Right now I'm telling him how annoying the WNYC pledge drive is because I already fucking gave money and I have the tote to prove it. He's commiserating with me." [My Memoirs]