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The Meterosexual's Dilemma

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"...Loathe as I am to spend 160 dollars on a pair of jeans, I bought a new pair of jeans at APC yesterday. The twee man at the store informed me puckishly that one musn't wash the jeans for a calendar year. It takes that long for the jeans to properly breathe, like wine in a decanteur, to relax, to stretch, to become comfortable not only with themselves but to you as well. This, I thought and even suggested to him, was idiotic. What if one soils his jeans? I wondered. Additionally, not washing anything for a year seems like a bad idea. Anything you wash, I figure, should be washed more that that. But no. He insisted. So now I have a pair of jeans so stiff and so tight they stand on their own two legs. It's like another roommate in my house. I talk to him, my New Cure size 31. Right now I'm telling him how annoying the WNYC pledge drive is because I already fucking gave money and I have the tote to prove it. He's commiserating with me." [My Memoirs]